I read an article recently which made me a little bit angry. It annoyed me. Got under my skin a little bit. It was an article about relationships which someone had shared on Facebook and I read it to pass the time while waiting for a bus.
Unfortunately I can’t provide links to the article as it was some time ago and at the time I didn’t really think about blogging about it. However it seems to have played on my mind since reading it and the more I’ve thought about it the more annoyed I’ve got.
The article basically stated the differences between being ‘in love’ and ‘love’. It was written from a female perspective and the basic consensus was that if you didn’t want to rip your partner’s clothes off and have sex with them in every corner, nook and cranny of your house then you should dump them as you weren’t in love with them. It was along the lines of the idea that life is too short to not want to spend it constantly humping your loved one and that if you were comfortable in a relationship then whilst you may love your partner, you aren’t actually in love with them.
I must say I have to disagree. I think what the author of this article was doing is confusing being in love as being in lust. We’ve all been there, we’ve all had that mind blowing sex with someone when you’ve not been able to stop yourself tearing at each other’s clothes, primal, like animals eaten up by desire where you’ve wanted to get under their skin and to get them under yours. But you know what that is? With hindsight and an actual relationship as a big feature in your life? That my dear readers is crap sex. You don’t know that person, not really, you don’t know what gets them off and they don’t know what gets you off, its over in minutes, there’s a lack of eye contact if you’re even facing them at all, half the time you don’t even bother removing all your clothes. It’s highly unlikely that both of you will come and guess what? If you’re a woman it’s likely you’re going to draw the short straw on that one.
In comparison being ‘comfortable’ in a relationship makes the sex all that much better. Here’s your best friend, the person who knows you better than anyone in the world. They’ve seen you when you’ve just woken up in a morning, when your hairs a mess and you’ve got no makeup on. They’ve seen you naked 100s of times and know the ins and outs of your body, they’ve looked after you when your unwell and know exactly which techniques to use to drive you wild. They’re considerate enough to make you sure you come at least once, they know your deepest fantasises and you know theirs. You still have crazy passionate moments but more importantly you have beautiful ones. The sort of love making where you hold eye contact (and it’s not creepy), where you can hear each other’s breathing and follow the rhythm of the beating of each other’s hearts. You can kiss; softly or passionately. The thing is when you love the person you’re in a relationship with it’s all inclusive. You both love them and are in love with them. You don’t feel that primal urge to get under each other’s skin every time you have sex, simply because you’re already there.